The Down & Dirty on Trauma and Sexuality
So many of us have experienced some form of trauma it's becoming more mainstream to talk about, but sexuality, and how trauma can impact our sexuality, is a whole different story. It’s time to dive deep and get under the sheets on this important topic.
So what is sexuality, exactly?
Often, you’ll hear sexuality used interchangeably with sexual orientation. In this definition, sexuality is used as someone’s identity in regards to the gender (or genders) to which they are typically attracted. Sexuality can also be used when discussing a person’s capacity for sexual feelings, as well as sexual activity. Trauma can impact any of those definitions of sexuality.
The one thing sexuality is not is gender, so while someone being gay or pansexual would be sexuality, a person being non-binary or transgender is not.
What could trauma have to do with sexuality?
Trauma, regardless of whether it’s acute (a single incident) or chronic (multiple incidents over time, often childhood trauma), can have impacts on multiple parts of someone’s brain. Even if the trauma was not sexual trauma, experiencing a profoundly traumatic event can change how a person operates in relationships with other people, whether platonic, romantic, or sexual.
According to Dr. Holly Richmond, a sex therapist out of New York City, trauma survivors often struggle with removing themselves from “fight or flight” mode and thus struggle to receive pleasant stimuli or be mindful during sex. When it comes to sexual orientation, while there is no conclusive evidence that trauma (particularly sexual trauma) influences a person’s sexual orientation, there is some research that shows that members of the LGBTQ+ community are more at risk of abuse as children. Trauma experienced in direct relation to a person’s sexual orientation (bullying, familial isolation, etc.) can also impact someone’s ability to be open about their sexual orientation.
Trauma, Intimacy, and the act of sex
While trauma can impact someone’s sexual orientation, it is more likely to change how they experience intimacy and the physical act of sex. When working with people who are experiencing traumatic-based responses to intimacy and sex, it is important to also engage the partner in order to build a positive intimate and sexual experience for both people. A trauma survivor may be experiencing depression, anxiety, flashbacks, or even self-doubt related to the experience of being intimate with someone in a way that triggers their trauma. Helping the survivor work through this both alone and with their partner will help make intimate and sexual experiences better.
When someone has experienced sexual trauma, the physical act of sex and sometimes even platonic touch can trigger a psychological response. Often what they are dealing with is a lack of control over their environment as well as the sexual assault, which can make it more difficult to process through. There are multiple ways to help a patient deal with this trauma, and one that might be particularly valuable is EMDR.
No matter how someone presents their sexual orientation or understands their relationship to sex, it is our job as mental health practitioners to understand what they are experiencing and help them work through any issue. We do not pathologize, correct, or abandon patients who need our support, even in this area.
If a therapist has a strong issue with a client’s sexual orientation or sexual expression, that is the therapist’s issue, and the therapist needs to address that assumption. As providers, we need to be able to recognize our vulnerability, our mistakes, and our limitations.
The worst thing in the world, and the most irresponsible thing we can do, would be to shame, neglect, or judge a client. As mental health practitioners, we know the importance of being able to speak to someone, judgment-free, about sexual orientation and expression. Being that safe space for someone is an important part of our job.
For more information on this topic, visit the following links:
