What Is Performance Anxiety?

Performance anxiety isn’t just “nerves.” It’s when the fear of messing up hijacks your body and mind, leaving you stuck in self-doubt and panic at the exact moment you want to show up with confidence. Your brain screams “What if I fail? What if they judge me? What if I’m not good enough?”—and your body responds like you’re facing a lion instead of an audience, a partner, or a game.

How Performance Anxiety Shows Up

• Presentations at Work or School: Your heart pounds, your voice shakes, your mind blanks. You dread speaking in meetings or standing in front of a class—even if you know the material cold.
  
  
• Sports and Athletics: You crush it in practice, but when it’s game time, your muscles tighten, your confidence tanks, and your performance drops.
  
  
• Relationships & Intimacy: Fear of judgment or “not measuring up” can sabotage connection, communication, or sex. You’re so anxious about performance that you can’t be present.
  
  
• Social Situations: Parties, networking, or even small gatherings feel like the spotlight is on you. Sweaty palms, shaky hands, racing thoughts—your system screams get me out of here.
  
  

What’s Really Happening?

Performance anxiety is your nervous system misfiring. Instead of staying grounded and present, your body launches into fight-or-flight mode. Adrenaline floods, your focus narrows, and your body locks up. It’s not weakness—it’s biology. But when it happens over and over, it starts to shape your identity: “I’m not good at public speaking.” “I choke under pressure.” “I can’t be myself in relationships.”

The Cost of Performance Anxiety

• Missed opportunities at work or school
  
  
• Frustration in sports or creative pursuits
  
  
• Strain in relationships and intimacy
  
  
• Isolation or avoidance of situations that matter to you
  
  

The Good News

Performance anxiety is highly treatable. With therapy, tools like EMDR, nervous system regulation strategies, and targeted practice, you can retrain your brain to see performance situations as safe, not life-threatening.

I tell my clients: “Anxiety doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your body is trying to protect you. We can teach it a better way.”